


You're Real

by Masterofceremonies



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-30
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-17 06:52:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5858668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterofceremonies/pseuds/Masterofceremonies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A boy tries to summon Lucifer through unusual means.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He made the cuts quickly but deliberately, counting under his breath as he did so.

“One, two, three…” He muttered, brow furrowing as he began to bleed. “Ten, eleven, twelve… thirteen.” He straightened and looked at his handiwork. Thirteen cuts, not parallel, but neat, running up his left wrist. Water from the showerhead dripped onto his forearm, causing the blood to run down his elbow and stain the side of the bath. He switched the razor to his left hand and stretched out his right arm. “One, two…” The process was repeated, then scrutinized. He deepened a few on his right, recounted, then recounted the left, discovered he was one short, and with a quick slash, evened them out. 

He put the razor down and once again inspected his work. He was almost satisfied, but not quite. He pulled aside the shower curtain and looked around the candle lit bathroom. A pile of clothes lay on the floor, a red hand towel hung on the rack, and a striped towel was folded on the sink. Nothing moved. He seemed disappointed. He pulled the shower curtain shut and held his arms under the spray, wincing as the water washed the blood down the drain. He made sure no trace of it was left, then shut off the water and stepped out onto the mat.

His arms still bled. He noticed this, and grabbed the red hand towel, pressing it to his left arm. He looked under the sink and switched arms, grabbing a tin of Band-Aids and setting them on the counter. He grabbed the striped towel and wound it around his body, scooping up his clothes and tossing the red towel aside. He plucked the Band-Aids off the counter and opened the door. A rush of steam billowed out into the room as he padded downstairs. 

His entire house was two rooms. A warehouse turned into a studio apartment, with a kitchen crammed in one corner upstairs next to the bathroom, a bedroom below, with a futon that functioned as a bed, a TV and a desk littered with most of his possessions. He sat on the edge of the futon, towel slipping from his shoulders as he pried open the tin of Band-Aids. He applied four to each arm, successfully covering his cuts and staunching the bleeding. Tugging on a large baja hoodie, he padded back upstairs and pulled out a handle-less mug, filling it with soda and using it to swallow a pill. He opened the dryer and pulled out a pair of boxer briefs, tugged them on, and went back downstairs. As he sat on his bed, his phone lit up. 

He leaned over to reach, as the phone was plugged into the wall, and unlocked it, quickly punching in his code, as he had done it a thousand times before. He read the message and frowned, fingers hovering indecisively over the keys. He finally pulled back, shoved up the sleeve of his hoodie, and took a picture, sending it, and captioning “I’m sorry.” 

“Now why would you go and do a thing like that?” Have you ever heard a powerful car engine? One of the quite ones, that almost purrs. If you took one of those cars and gave it a worn down belt, and forgot to change it’s oil, you’d know what this man’s voice sounded like. The boy looked up, surprised, but not scared; as if he had been long awaiting this encounter.

“Do a thing like what?” The boy asked, squinting into the dark corner of the room from where the voice had spilled.

“Tell your little friend you hurt yourself. Again.” The voice sighed mockingly. “It’s less fun when they worry.”

“He… I want him to tell me when he does it, so I tell him when I do it.” The boy spoke confidently, but his eyes flicked down to his phone, and he tugged his sleeves to cover his bandages. 

“You do it for different reasons. Not to mention he doesn’t tell you when he does it, so you shouldn’t tell him. An eye for an eye and all that.”

“That means you punish someone in the same way they wronged you.” 

“I always was a little fuzzy on my bible verses.” The voice laughed, then stopped, abruptly. “Let’s get down to brass tacks. Why do you want me here?”

“We’ve met before. A few years back, I was-”

“Yes I remember.” The voice interrupted lazily.

“You do?” The boy whispered, trying not to smile. 

“Of course. It’s not everyday an 11 year old boy tries to jump off the Eiffel Tower.”

“You stopped me. You told me I could contact you if I ever needed it.”

“Yes but you don’t really need it, do you?” The voice accused and the boy winced as if a brick had flown by their head.

“I do need it! I do… I need… I need you…” The boy’s voice cracked and he looked close to tears. “You were the only one who cared, you are the only one who cares, I’m all alone, now more than ever… Why didn’t you come sooner?”

“I thought you could handle yourself. You weren’t trying to jump anymore.”  
“I was hurting myself. I had no one to talk to.”

“What about your friend?” The voice asked, as the boy’s phone lit up. 

“He doesn’t count. He doesn’t understand.”

“No one understands.” The voice sounded serious for the first time.

“I do.” The boy whispered. 

“You do.” It wasn’t a question, but the boy nodded anyway. “You know, I’m at a disadvantage here, you know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

“My name…uh… Jay.” The boy looked down.

“You know who I am.” Again, not a question, again, he nods.

“Lucifer.” The boy says, unprompted, and there is a sound of movement. The boy squeezes his eyes shut as the voice becomes attached to a body, and the body steps into the light. 

“Why did you close your eyes?” Lucifer asks, looking down at the boy.

“I’m afraid you’ll be different then I remember.” He mumbles.

“Well, you’re going to have to open them eventually.” The boy thinks this over, then slowly opens his eyes and looks up at the form in front of him. His mouth hangs open as his eyes travel slowly up Lucifer’s body. 

If you chopped him into pieces, he wasn’t terribly stunning. His legs were legs, his torso, fit, but average, his arms, strong, his hands, large and callused. He had dark blonde hair, short and messy. The only spectacular part of him was his eyes, which were a shade of blue that would make the hope diamond turn green with envy. He wasn’t wrinkled, but his face wasn’t smooth either. It was like a roadmap of Nebraska, not cluttered, but filled in none the less. Not even his outfit was extraordinary. Jeans, an olive t-shirt, and a tan plaid button-down with the sleeves rolled up. 

No, chopped up, he was normal, but seeing him all together was like looking into the sun. Jay had to drop his head because he felt like his eyes were going to start to water. Lucifer sat down next to him and pushed up his sleeve, rough hands tracing over his Band-Aids. Jay tried to keep his breathing low and even, but it began to resemble a bad actor’s portrayal of asthma.

“Calm down, I’m not going to hurt you.” Lucifer seemed wounded at Jay’s obvious panic. 

“I… I know, I’m just… you’re here, you’re real…” Jay managed to get out. Lucifer took his hand and guided it to his face, letting Jay splay his fingers out over his cheek. Jay sucked in one final breath, like a deep-sea diver with no tank, and held it, letting it out slowly as his hand decrescendoed down Lucifer’s neck and onto his shoulder. 

“Yes.” Lucifer said, simply, which seemed to calm Jay down a great deal, enough that he could raise his eyes to meet Lucifer’s, who was currently looking at Jay like a blind man seeing a rose for the first time, but the rose was laid out next to a bloody corpse. 

“Are you going to leave me again?” Jay’s voice seemed to be stuck in a whisper. “Please don’t leave.” He added, rushing. 

“I won’t. I should, but I won’t.” Lucifer promised sweetly. 

“I’m sorry.” Jay said, after a quietness neither of them wanted fell upon the room.

“For what?” Lucifer asked, taking Jay’s other hand and stroking his thumb over the back.

“For being so broken I needed you.” He said.

“I’m broken too.” Lucifer laughed, with no humor, and no smile. “I was so broken, I stayed away when you called, convincing myself you’d be better off without me.”

“What happened this time, what was different?” Jay asked.

“I just couldn’t resist. You’re so beautiful when you bleed.” It was Lucifer’s turn to whisper, like a confession in church, one only god should hear. Jay blinked languidly, and choked back a yawn. “Sleep. Human’s need sleep.” Lucifer said, almost to himself.

“No, I’m fine, I want to be with you.” Jay shook his head, like a swimmer trying to clear water from his ears.

“I’ll stay through the night, I’ll be with you in your dreams, and when you wake up, I’ll be there too.” Lucifer picked Jay up and laid him down on the bed, tucking him in and slipping under the covers next to him. Jay’s breath evened out as Lucifer watched over him, humming a song from a lost civilization. 


	2. Of Course I Am

Jay woke slowly, like he usually did, then jolted upright when his brain caught up to him. He looked to his right, and was met with the same shards of ice he had gazed into last night. 

“You’re awake.” Lucifer observed and Jay’s face nearly split in half with his smile. 

“You’re real.”

“Of course.” Lucifer picked up Jay’s arms and looked at them. “I’ll make sure to regularly change these.” He mused to himself.

“That means you’re going to stay here?” Jay asked hopefully and Lucifer smiled at his expression. 

“For as long as you’ll put up with me.” Lucifer kissed the Band-Aids and stood, pulling Jay to his feet. “Now how shall we spend the day?” Jay’s smile faded. 

“I have work.” He grumbled. Lucifer frowned as well and looked around.

“You do have to work, at least for now.” Jay looked at him quizzically but Lucifer went on before he could say anything. “I’ll stay here.” Jay looked disappointed but silently agreed and set about to getting ready. Lucifer watched with interest as he dressed in a purple shirt and tie with a grey waistcoat and matching slacks and made coffee, cramming papers and a laptop into his messenger bag. “When will you be home?” He asked, finally, and Jay paused.

“I have work until 5, so I’ll be home 5:30 ish” Lucifer was about to say more but Jay glanced at the clock and swore. “I have to go!” He cried and flew out the door, leaving Lucifer alone and amused. 

Jay was in a trance all morning. He forgot to take his meds and had to do so on the bus to work, dry swallowing it, hoping the chemical taste would clear his head. When that didn’t work, he chugged his coffee, to no avail. Everything seemed distant, like he was viewing the world through the wrong end of a telescope. When he arrived, he waved to his co-workers and nodded to the security guard as was normal, but his mind was far away, back at home with his new guardian, imagining the feeling of his arms around him…

Just as he tried to hide the smile that had spread across his face, he crashed into another worker, the files in their arms going flying. Jay snagged them both before they hit the ground, catching his coffee thermos in the other hand.

“Holy shit, man watch where you’re-” the worker began to yell, but caught sight of who it was. “Oh. Mr. Prince. My apologies.” His tone smoothed out, and his hands twitched nervously. 

“For god’s sake call me Jay.” He handed the worker his files. 

“Sorry, Mr. Prince, but the boss won’t allow that.” The twitch from his hands spread to his face. He was sweating like a fat man during the running of the bulls. 

“Protocol. I know. Pain in the ass though.” Jay finished his coffee and peered over the worker’s shoulder. “Is he in yet?”

“Yes.” The worker flinched.

“Bad mood?” Jay asked, softly. The worker looked around before replying. 

“I don’t know what mood he’s in, but he wants to see you.”

“He always wants to see me.” Jay sighed. “Thanks anyway.” He brushed by the man, sympathetically patting him on the back before making his way to the largest corner office. He opened the door without knocking; an offense that would’ve gotten anyone else fired, but was second nature to him now. 

“Good morning Crowley.” He called, then paused as the office was inhabited by more than the usual solitary figure. “Is this a bad time, sir?” He asked. 

“No, no. Come in.” Crowley waved a hand dismissively. “Jay, meet Sam and Dean Winchester, a few old colleagues. Boys, meet the best paralegal in the game, Jay Prince.” Crowley was standing next to two men who made his 5’9 frame look miniature. 

The taller of the two had chin length light brown hair, and a jaw that looked like it was carved from marble using a diamond. He was absolutely monstrous, but his face was kind and gentle, despite looking stern at the moment. The shorter one had cropped hair, spiked on top, and stubble that gave him a “devil may care look” which was mirrored in his expression and posture. Both were extremely attractive. 

“Pleasure.” Jay gave a half bow, which caused both of their eyebrows to shoot up. Jay checked once again to make sure his sleeves were covering his scars and began to pull out papers and organize Crowley’s desk.

“Maybe we could talk privately?” The shorter one had a gruff voice, like cutting gravel with a chainsaw.

“Now, now, Dean, Jay can be trusted.”

“I don’t trust any of your lackeys.” The taller one, Sam’s, voice was deep as well, but deep like dark chocolate, and just as smooth. 

“Jay’s human.” Crowley rolled his eyes. “So keep your prejudice to yourself.”

“He’s HUMAN?” Dean shouted. “So he’s actually as young as he looks?”

“Keep your damn voice down. Have some respect.” Crowley hissed. “This is a place of work.”

“Dean.” Sam cautioned and shot a look over at Jay who was diligently working. “Crowley, you can’t keep humans against their will, and you can’t corrupt them into working for you. That was part of the plan.”

“I didn’t corrupt him. He came to me.”

“Did he make a deal?” Sam asked.

“No, no. He’s not that stupid. He contacted me and asked for a job.”

“He knows what you are?” Dean said, disbelievingly.

“King of Hell, and a damn good CEO.” Jay spoke up, not looking away from their work. “Also, I’m not deaf.” 

“So you know. Do you know who we are?” Dean asked.

“Nope. I don’t ask Crowley about his life outside of here. I just do my job. This is only one of his many businesses. I focus on this so he can focus on other things. Anything else you boys need?” Jay finally looked up to see Sam and Dean staring at him.

“We’re just checking in.” Sam muttered.

“They’re hunters, darling, and they’re after a big, nasty monster.” Crowley smirked. “Goes by the name of Lucifer, have you heard of him?”

“ And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.” Jay said. Sam and Dean stared, this time Crowley joined them. Jay sighed. “Revelation 12:9. Yes, I know who Lucifer is. Good luck catching him. You’re gonna need it.” Jay went back to organizing papers, trying to hide the fact that his hands were shaking.

“You owe us one, Crowley.” Dean said and handed him a folder. “Here’s what we know. Get back to us. Fast.” Crowley took the folder and tossed it to Jay.

“I’ll put it on the top of my To Do list.” He said, smirking at the brothers. Sam rolled his eyes and motioned for Dean to follow him. They left, Dean glancing back at Jay with a muddled expression on his face. The door shut behind them and Jay turned to Crowley expectantly. “What?”

“You’re helping hunters. The King of Hell is helping hunters.” Jay stated, unbelievingly. “This is double sided, somehow. They’re blackmailing you, or you’re trying to double cross them.”

“Unfortunately, no. I won’t go into it, but I have quite a history with those two, and I do owe them.” 

“So you’re gonna go against Lucifer?” Jay asked, snorting. “You’re gonna die.”

“I’m not going against anyone.” Crowley shook his head. “I’ll help them find him, then back off. What happens to those boys is not my problem.”

“They’re gonna die.”

“Don’t underestimate them.” Crowley shook his head. “That’s how people end up dead. Remember Dick?”

“Leviathan? Yeah. Creepy.” Jay shuddered.

“Killed. By them. They also killed, Zachariah, Azazel, Lilith, Eve, and me a couple times, took down Lucifer and Michael, got the four horsemen’s rings, their angel buddy was God for a while, before he kicked it, then came back, and, oh yes, they’ve died over 200 times combined.”

“How are they still walking?” Jay’s jaw hung open.

“No one knows. Dean’s been to purgatory, they’ve both been to heaven and hell, and they’ve made too many deals to count. They just can’t be stopped.” Crowley sighed and straightened his tie. 

“Good to know.” He muttered, gnawing on his lip as a pit of fear formed in his stomach. “We’ll have to be on our guard then.”


	3. Can't Slow Down, Can't Hold Back

The rest of the day crawled by, with everyone on edge because of Crowley's foul mood, made worse by the fact that Jay seemed to be just as impatient and more than a little scatterbrained.

He ended up leaving work early, something he rarely did, but he doubted anyone would notice. They were too caught up in their own little worlds, trying to keep their jobs or lives or whatever it was Crowley held over them.

The bus ride home was agonizingly long, but eventually, ultimately, finally, he got home. Bounding up the stairs two at a time, Jay practically flew into his apartment, shutting the door quickly behind him with a huge grin.

Then, he stopped. The air sucked out of his lungs as he stood, frozen, in the foyer. What if... what if he wasn't here? What if he called out and no one answered? What if it had been a sick joke or a dream? What if the Winchesters had already gotten to him?

"Welcome home." Lucifer stepped into view, causing Jay to let out a whoosh of air, nearly collapsing in relief. "Long day?"

"You don't know the half of it." Jay snorted, voice as tired as he felt. Lucifer wrapped his arms around Jay, enveloping him in an embrace that he eagerly melted into.

"You work for Crowley, don't you?" Lucifer asked softly. Jay nodded.

"I thought it would be a good way to find you." He mumbled. "Demons know a lot."

"Right." It was Lucifer's turn to be tense.

"What'd I say?" Jay pulled back worriedly.

"Nothing." Lucifer sighed. "I can't help but think how I could have saved us both a lot of trouble by showing up sooner."

Jay shrugged. "It's a good job. Pays well. Benefits."

Lucifer frowned, something crackling in the air like a storm threatening to break. "He's a demon."

"I'm a human." Jay challenged. "Which is worse?"

"Demons." Lucifer stated flatly. "They're human souls corrupted. At least humans are... at least they can be decent."

"Demon's can't?"

"Demons can't even pretend to be decent." Lucifer sneered.

"Am I decent?" Jay asked, a smile on his lips while his brow remained furrowed.

"Decent isn't the word I'd use." The angel's sneer melted into a smirk, and Jay's worry melted with it, though something bittersweet remained in his eyes.

"Don't you think this is a little cliche?" He asked, gesturing to the two of them. "Angsty suicidal boy falls in love with the devil?"

"I suppose." Lucifer chuckled. "I've certainly heard this story before..." He leaned in, dropping his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "But in this particular case, there's a difference."

"And what's that?" Jay asked, just as quietly.

"The devil loves you back." Lucifer murmured, closing the space between them for a surprisingly soft kiss.

"Wait." Jay broke contact completely, stepping away and shaking his head. "Don't say that."

"Why?" Lucifer pouted mockingly, real hurt lingering in his gaze. "Am I going to fast? Invading your space? I figured moving in together was enough of a step to constitute a kiss or two."

"It's not... that." Jay sighed. "I don't need you to love me. You don't have to..."

"Lie?" He challenged, folding his arms.

"Exaggerate." Jay finished helplessly. "I just need you here. Don't force anything more out of it."

Lucifer remained silent before tossing his hands in the air. "Humans." He muttered. "Strange creatures." Running a hand through his hair, he gave a short bow in deference to Jay. "Fine. No L words. Can I still kiss you?"

Jay bit his lip, trying not to laugh. "If you must."

"How generous of you, your highness." Lucifer grasped Jay's wrists and tugged him close once more.

"My name isn't Prince for no reason."

"Mmhmm." Lucifer pressed another kiss to Jay's lips, this one returned by the smaller man, though it remained relatively chaste and sweet.

"Shit." Jay pulled back once again. "I forgot. There's something I have to show you."

"Can't it wait? We're busy." Lucifer grumbled.

"No. It can't." Jay reached into his bag, pulling out a folder. "You're being hunted."

Lucifer rolled his eyes. "I'm always being hunted. Who is it this time? One of my brothers or sisters? Crowley's lackeys? Some upstart hunter with a chip on his shoulder?"

"All of the above." Jay confirmed lowly. "The Winchesters have an APB out on you. Hunters across the globe know you're out, Crowley's demons have been set on your tail, and Castiel is tracking you himself along with a few other angels who remain loyal to Michael."

Lucifer grabbed the folder and opened it with a scowl.

"Can't they leave well enough alone?" He grumbled.

"You know what they say." Jay shrugged. "There ain't no rest for the wicked."

Lucifer paused, scanning the information in the folder thoughtfully. "I never liked that song." He mused. "But you did just give me an idea on how to get rid of these pests for good."


End file.
